John Mayer

John Mayer sings "Gravity" in the background.

In the forground, Tyler and Maija start bickering.

"It's not Mader, it's John May-er" Tyler, Mr. Always right, says.

"NO, it's MADER!" Maija emphatically insists.

Here's the thing...if I were to weigh in on these topics simply to be the tie breaker, it would always be a lose-lose situation, because I'd be reinforcing Ty's know-it-all-ness which I REALLY don't need more of and I'd be highlighting the fact that Maija's wrong (which from an outsiders perspective...she always is).

So what do I say?

"Guys, it's more important to be kind and loving than to have to be right about something...

I know that you both have a different opinion or perspective on how you say John's last name, and what I'm saying is that it's OKAY to let the other person think something different than you. (I can't resist the recap) It's more important to be kind and loving than to have to be right about something. Okay?"

I check to see if they're on board with my alternate answer.

"Okay," they both agree.

Can't we just all get along?

Yes!

Roles

One of my roles as a parent, is to give up my 'role' as a parent....in more than one way.

First, I visualize my kids future......

I ask myself questions....

Who will they be in the world?

What will they do?

How will they interact with others, the community, their spouse, each other, me?

What qualities, traits, and skills will be the most important for them to be masterful at?

(If you have never thought towards the future 20-25 years like this, start now...your family will thank you for it.)

Once I answered these questions, I was clear on my "role" as a parent.

I could see traits, experiences, lessons that I wanted my kids to have (with me) NOW, so they'd be experts in those areas that are important later, without me.

So one of my "roles" is to intentionally train them towards autonomy and self mastery.

Often I do that simply by 'getting out of the way' and letting their brilliance and greatness show up in the space that's created.

A wise friend once told me..."never do anything for them that they can do for themselves".

It creates a very big and healthy self image in them....it shows them their greatness.

They then know themselves as powerful and capable.

So one role is to train and get outta the way.

The other is far more important.

It's to give up my "role" and the training, task oriented, business-like things that I do with and for my children, and it is to simply BE PRESENT.

Get into this very moment.
Be HERE.
NO WHERE ELSE.
Don't worry about the future.
Don't regret the past.
Stop the chatterbox in my brain for a moment and just BE in this present time and space.
Nothing's wrong.
Nothing needs to be done.
Everything is perfect.
Peace lives here.
Love lives here.
Connecting with my kids, lives here.

I've discovered a fantastic way to uncloak from my "role" as mom and become the totally present, completely engaged, expression of love that my children adore.

It's called 'make believe'.

I haven't done that in SO long that it completely tricks the chatterbox of noise in my brain...that little never-ending voice is caught off guard...it's not sure what to do with make believe, so it just shuts off.

My daughter and I play house.

In our game, we're best friends.

We both have two baby dolls that get new names and new outfits each time we play.


We play for HOURS.

We move from room to room in our house, doing what we would normally do in a day, yet adding vibrance and magic to it by pretending.

The kitchen is our 'restaurant' where we line up all our babies and feed them from colorful bowls and cups. While we eat lunch, we talk to our babies about healthy food choices and taking good care of our bodies.

Our master bath is our 'nail salon'.

Her closet is the 'store' where we go shopping for our baby's clothes.

The game changes.

Sometimes we practice letters and numbers by playing school and 'teaching our babies'.

Sometimes we just color together and the babies watch.

What's neat, is that I talk to her, in the world of make believe, like I talk to my best adult friends.

I ask her questions about how it's going getting her babies to sleep through the night, and her answers are brilliant.

We share back and forth in a conversation that is enriching, and stimulating her social skills in a way that just isn't AVAILABLE to us when I'm in "mom" role and she's in daughter role.

The most important thing, though, is that we are connected!

We are on equal playing ground.

There is no role or title (or distraction that goes with a role or title) to keep us apart.

We are totally present and completely in LOVE.

It's altered our whole world!

When it's time for the game to be over, her love tank is FULL...overflowing actually.....she's cuddly and huggy and loving in such a different way.

It's bliss.

THAT is the real work of BEING a mom.

Knowing at the end of a day that my child RECEIVED from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, the message that SHE IS LOVED. SHE IS KNOWN. SHE IS WORTHY.

Peace Place.

Bonus question: Where else do I interact with people out of a "role" rather than just being present in a moment with them and allowing love to emerge?

Extra credit challenge: Today...Now...wherever you are...BE there.

Carpool Attitude

"Will you please come sit on the stairs with me, Maija? I wanna talk about this morning." I say.

She sheepishly comes over. She knows exactly what she's done, and is ready to clean it up, so she jumps right into, "I'm sorry I was rude, Mama. I won't do that again."

Normally, that would be the healing solvent on an open wound, but like so many other kids that flippantly say "sorry" after they've clocked a sibling in the head with a toy, because they know that's what mom wants to hear, Maija has simply learned her script well.

"I appreciate that, and I'd still like to talk about it." I say calmly.

"I said I hate driving Tyler to school, and I was mad, because I didn't want to," she explains.

"Why didn't you want to?" I ask in patient curiousity.

She's quiet...thinking.

"Was it because you don't like being in the car?" I ask.

"Yes." She says. "I don't like going in the car every day."

"What don't you like about it?" I continue to gather as much information as she'll give before I 'diagnose'.

"I just don't like it." She says casually. She's able to talk about it level headedly now, rather than screaming, stomping, scowling and door slamming like she did this morning in full-on temper tantrum-mode before we drove Ty to school.

"Hmmm." I say. "Do you know that sometimes you have to do things in life that you don't want to do, and you really don't have a choice about whether you do them or not, but you DO have a choice about your attitude about them, how you think and feel about them?"

I pause to let that sink in.

"You don't have a choice about whether or not we'll drive Ty to school, but you do have a choice about how you'll feel about it....how did you choose to feel this morning?"

"Angry."

"Yep, and did that feel good or bad?"

Brief pause, then the truth, "bad."

"That's right," I said, "and YOU CREATED ALL of that. All of the upset that happened this morning was in your control. You are a powerful person and THAT's what you chose. You are responsible for every ounce of what occurred here this morning. Do you understand that?"

Head nod 'yes'.

"So if you had a chance to make that choice again, which you will this afternoon because we're picking Ty up from school again, what will you create. You don't have a choice about whether or not we're picking him up, but you get to choose how you think and feel about it. So how do you want to feel?"

"Happy." Maija smiles.

"Exactly. You do have that choice. How would that feel? Good or bad?" I continue.

"Good." She smiles.

"Do you know what I mean when I say "choose it or get stuck with it?" I ask.

"No." she says.

"I mean that things happen that you don't have a choice about, like taking Ty to school, but if you choose to be happy with them and go along with them, then you're free! You don't get stuck, upset and angry."

"I like 'you get what you get and you don't throw a fit'," she adds.

"You like saying it that way?" I ask.

She nods yes.

"Perfect!"

We've just discovered how to speak each others language!

"How would today look if you we're bringing, "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit" to our situation of having to drive Ty to school?"

"I'd be happy..."

"And you wouldn't yell and stomp and scowl and throw things?" I clarify.

"Yeah" she says nonchalantly.

"Awesome! Maija, I want to thank you for being so open to learning from your upsets. Do you know that you are brilliant? Mistakes and failures and upsets are the best teachers and YOU do an INCREDIBLE job of experimenting with what works and what doesn't work in life. Remember yesterday when you were saying that Ty gets to learn more because he has a teacher at school right now? Well, I want you to know that life is the best teacher of all, if you'll listen and be willing to learn. I'm proud of you for learning a TON from upsets. I love you."

I scoop her onto my lap for a big snuggle hug.

Peace place.

Got Milk

We're sitting on the stairs in our new home.
This is the 'designated spot' in our house to resolve conflict.
It helps spatially.
I sit on the stair below the kids.
It makes them feel powerful.
That helps them to engage.

We all face forward at first (signifying that the conflict is "out there" and we are working together, shoulder to shoulder, on the solution).

Then as we interact, we're close.
I touch them as I speak to them.
It disarms the tension and reminds me to create a loving, kind tone in my voice.

"I'm seeing a pattern", I say. "Are either of you seeing the pattern?"

I give them time to look for themselves at the situations.

They shake their heads no.

I start with Ty because I know he can handle it a bit better.

"Ty, Maija and I we're trying to love you today by getting books and dvds at the library for you, but because it wasn't exactly how you wanted it to go, you were grumpy with us and told us you didn't want them." I recap to make it simple. "We tried to express love for you with an act of service, and you pushed it away because it wasn't how you wanted it to go."

"Maija, how did that make you feel? Happy or sad?" I ask.

"Sad." she admits. "Jackpot!" I think, she took the bait.

"Hmmmm." I say out loud.

"How about you, Maija" I speak quickly to make the connection while I've got her attention. "Ty was trying to be kind and loving just now by pouring milk for you, but because it wasn't exactly how you wanted it to go, you were rude to him and told us you wanted me to pour." Same simple recap..."He tried to express love for you with an act of service and you pushed it away because it wasn't exactly how you wanted it to go."

I look at Ty, "How did that make you feel?"

"Sad" he adds a lower lip pout to drive it home with some drama.

"Hmmmmmm." I say out loud.

Then I decide to throw in a joke to do a little pattern interrupt and launch us into resolution mode.

I say, "I don't like making people feel sad. What about you? Would you rather make people feel sad or "pee pee"?
Of course I meant sad or happy, but the well placed potty word was MAGICAL for Ty.
He absolutely exploded with laughter, such that tears were bursting forth.

"I've never laughed so much I've cried before!" he exclaimed between belly rolls.

Super cathartic!

Maija laughed too, yet was determined to keep her composure.

Finally, we decided together that we'd rather receive people's love and feel happy.

So we got to the "peace place"...

Mind you, these peace place conversations usually end with big hugs, but since we were all snuggled on the stairs, we leaned in for a kiss.

"Triangle smooch!" I sang as we all leaned in and smacked lips.

Of course that was funny, so we tried about ten more and peace and connectedness and giggles abounded.

"So can we still have milk?" They ask.

"Hmmmm. Let me reconsider. " I said.

"What does that mean?" Ty asks.

"It means that when you were being rude to each other earlier, I put the milk away because I don't reward kids that are fighting and not communicating with each other. 'Let me reconsider' means let me think about if your shifting YOUR actions and getting to the peace place will cause me to shift my actions and let you have milk again."

I made the winnie the pooh face and squinted my eyes as I tapped my forehead "think. think. think." I said.

They both laughed again. "You look like pooh bear!" Maija recognized.

"Think. Think. Think." I said again, creating more giggles.

They waited with baited breath for my verdict.

"Yes", I say, "you guys can have milk."

"Goodie!!!!" Ty rejoices.

"I'll let Ty pour mine." Maija says.

"Yay!" he exclaims.

It still shocks me how well they express love and serve one another once they're in the peace place...

I wish I had a video camera constantly recording to capture these things.

Today, I settled for the picture I took on my iphone of them sitting at the kitchen island together, with their little faces disappearing into their big colorful cups as they guzzled their milk together.

So precious!

Ty's First Business

I'm lying in bed thinking about how I can teach Tyler and Maija to make their own money, because they want bikes, and I come up with a brilliant idea.

I'll teach them to start their own business!

Sunday morning, it's my day for a date with Tyler.

Chris and Maija are already out on their date, so I sit down with Ty, the internet, an 8 1/2 by 14 piece of white paper and a black marker, ready to share with him the big plans I have for our date....

"Ty, you know how you've been talking about wanting to get your very first bike AND how you've been asking me to teach you how to make money like Daddy does?... Well, mom and dad COULD just buy you a bike, but we'd rather teach you how to MAKE money, so that you can buy one for yourself. It'll be really fun!"

"Wait," he says hesitantly, "where are you going to take me though?"

He's used to going to a park or the dollar store or some place fun for our date and is concerned that this money making adventure won't be a good use of his date with mom.

"I'm going to take you to the grocery store and we're going to buy cookies." I say.

"Why?" he asks skeptically.

"So that we have something that somebody wants. BECAUSE... ONE way that you make money is to sell people things that they want. AND you sell things to them for MORE than it cost you to make it." I speak slowly, hoping what I'm saying makes sense to him, but I DID record our conversation, so he can listen to it as he gets older too. I'm sure he'll glean more lessons from it when his brain can connect the dots more.

"And then where are you going to take me after the grocery store?" he asks with a mini pout in his tone of voice.

I sense his disappointment and try to sweeten the pot and have it occur like an opportunity to him rather than a bad date, "We'll come back home. We'll make some YUMMY, DELICIOUS chocolate chip cookies," his face starts to light up and the corners of his mouth curl up in a grin. "I think you could PROBABLY eat one as we're making them..."

"You mean a piece of COOKIE DOUGH?!" he asks, now thrilled....doesn't take much.

"Yeah!" I match his voice.

"I LOVE cookie dough," he starts to do a happy, wiggly squirm and claps his hands three times.

"I know," I smile, "it's gonna be a fun morning...and then we'll put the cookies in some plastic bags and we'll start our business! It could be called...'Tyler's Cookie Business'...or whatever YOU want to name it, okay?"

"I'm gonna name it...Tyler's Fun Helping Cookie Business!" he smiles and his eyes glisten.

"That's a GREAT name!" I smile, "So THEN, after we have our cookies ready we'll put them in a basket that you can carry, and we'll walk all around the neighborhood, kind of like you did when you brought treats to our neighbors at Christmas. You'll ring the doorbells and instead of just giving them the treats like at Christmas, you'll use what's called a 'script'. Daddy teaches realtors scripts all the time. A script is something you say when you want to make sure your message is clear. So when they open the door, you'll say, 'Hi!' Then you'll smile and say, 'My name is Tyler, and I'm saving up money to buy my very first bike. Would you like to buy a cookie for a dollar?'..."

"Yeahhhh," he says smiling.

"And then they'll say 'yes'..." I add.

"Mom, maybe, but, guess what.." he's so excited now he's stumbling over his words. "I want, for my birthday, I always wanted the FASTEST bike in the WORLD, THE FASTEST ONE!"

"I know! You've been wanting a bike for a long time," I say, "That's why I want to show you these options..."

I've got the internet on and a couple windows already pulled up to the bike sections: walmart, toys r us, target, kmart...we're keeping our options open.

I start browsing through different bikes, and the excitement is intoxicating! If it were up to me, I'd usually shop for sales and deals first, but for right now, I'm letting him choose. Sky's the limit! After all, it's all part of the lesson.

"How bout we put some Spider Man stickers on my bike, naybe." he suggests.

By the way, no, it's not a typo. My son says "Naybe" instead of "maybe"....usually I correct grammar, but this one is untouchable...too cute. I think because he's been saying it since he was teeny tiny, and it's one small way that I've held onto my baby boy that's now trapped in a big kid body. Other people don't even notice it, but I do, and I'm keepin' it, so there.

"That's a gooood idea!" I say as I browse through our options.

"HUHHHHHHH!!" he takes a sharp breath in. Then, in an exasperated whisper he says, "THAT ONE!"

"You like that one?" I smile and raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, but guess what one I like better?" he says.

"What?" I ask, thinking he sees another he loves.

"Show me some more." he says.

He's crackin' me up!

"There's blue..." I point. "There's red..." I keep scrolling.

(By the way...shopping online first... good idea! It's really fun and easy. Saves gas, saves time, get to read the reviews online...seriously! I'm just sayin'.)

"I like the blue the best really! It matches the rocket ship shirt that I'm wearing!" He says.

"It does!" I say. "Here, let's click on it and see what it says....It's a blue, very cool bike...."

I trail off as I read the reviews and make sure I'm looking at the right size.

"Then after we've gone around the neighborhood and you've had a chance to sell some cookies and make some money, we'll put your money in savings until you have enough to buy your bike." I say, preparing him for the fact that we may not make all the money we need in one outing.

"Can you make THAT one bigger?" he points.

"Yeah..."

"Cause I wanted to see if it has Spider Man on it."

"That one has...something else on it..." I trail off waiting for the image to enlarge.

"I want THAT one!" he perks up as soon as it gets bigger. "Now we're talkin'!"

"Now we're talkin'," I giggle, "we've got the right size, we've got training wheels, it's blue, we've got brakes, we can take the training wheels off after you get the hang of it, and it's $110. Okay!"

"Yeahhh!" He whispers.

"That's good! Now we need to..." I start.

"Now can we look at roller skates and a skateboard? Cause I also want those two things." Ty interupts. I don't blame him. Shopping on line is fun!

"That's good to know, Ty, I'll keep it in mind that you want those things too, but right now we're going to FOCUS on the bike. Do you know why we focus on the bike?" I ask.

"Why?" he asks, perfectly on que, so much so that it makes me giggle because I know what's coming next.

"Exactly!" I say, "Because our bike is our BIG WHY. It's our REASON to start our business... because we want to save money up to buy a bike!"

"Yeah!" he says.

I grab the big white paper and a black marker and say, "The first thing we want to write down for our business is called our 'Big..."

"Blue Bike!" Ty interupts.

"Close," I giggle,"It's called our Big WHY."

I'm writing "BIG WHY" in large black letters as I'm talking.

"Why is it called our BIG WHY?" he asks.

"'Cause 'Why' is describing the REASON why we start a business. Okay? So our 'Big Why', our big reason, for starting a business is so we can buy our blue bike. Do you want me to write down the name of that specific one?" I ask.

"Yeah! And then I want you to draw it for me." he adds. "So when I show the picture to you someday, then you'll know what kind of bike I want."

"It's called a mongoose..." I say as I write.

"MonGOOSE!" he giggles.

"Decoy...." I keep writing.

"Decoy!" he giggles.

"Boys BMX Bike...and we saw it on the toys r us site." I finish.

"Okay," I say. "We've got our big why. Now let's set a specific and measurable goal."

"Wait,what's our goal?" he asks.

"Our goal is to raise enough money to buy this blue bike by the time we move into our new house. So to make it specific, let's right down how much money we need to make..." I trail off as I write.

I start up again, as I point to what I've written, "Okay. So. THAT says Goal: $110.
Next, you always want to give yourself a specific time line to work within. Since we're buying a short sale and I don't know exactly when we're moving, let's say by July 1, 2010. That gives us a little over three months to reach our goal. Sound good?"

"Yes!" he says with a Tiger Woods fist pump.

As my focus shifts to drawing this bike onto the new business plan that we are creating, Ty starts jabbering.

"What do you think Maija and Dad are doing on their date? he asks.

"I think Daddy was going to take Maija to the book store and read to her." I say.

"Why?" he says.

"Well, the neat part about our dates is that they give us special one on one time with you guys, and we can do something different every week, just for fun. It doesn't really matter to daddy and I what we do, we just enjoy our special time with you and we like to think of things that will be fun for you to do, or things we can teach you."

"Mom guess what we should get Maija for her birthday?" he switches gears.

"What?!"

He leans in and whispers to me, "We should get her a bike!" Then he sits up with his eyebrows high and a big grin on his face as he nods his head up and down,"don't you think?"

"I think that's a great idea!"

He continues, "She's never riden one before. Maybe in our big why we could buy Maija a bike too! Wait, only one with training wheels that is only size four, naybe. I don't want her to fall off. Naybe, some day if she gets too big for her bike, we can give it to someone else and buy her a new bike!" he's talking really fast 'cause his wheels are churnin' now!

"Wow, great idea! It's really kind, when you're done with something, to share it with somebody else. That's why I gave our Mr. Potato Head to Zae yesterday, because you and Maija are done with it, right?"

"Yeah, I bet he never had one before, did he?" he asks.

"I don't think so."

As I continue to draw the bike, the exhuberance is setting in and Ty says, "Oh man!

You and me are gonna have a really, really, REALLY fun date!" he's catchin' the
vision now, "we're gonna have the AWESOMEST date ever in the whole wide world that no one else in the world has ever had!"

I'm flattered and I giggle, "I think it's gonna be pretty awesome!"

I finish drawing the bike and I hold it up to show him, "What do you think?"

"YOU are the BEST bike drawer EVER! I love you ALL the way to Mount Everest." he exclaims.

"Thanks!" I soak in the uninhibited praises that only a five year old can give, "let me give you a hug!"

As I squeeze him I say, "I'm having fun creating a business plan with you! Are you having fun?"

"YEAH!!!!" he squeezes my neck.

"This is a great date!" I say, "Okay, now, YOU write your business name at the top and color the picture of the bike blue while I have some breakfast."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shortly after that, we're in the car, headed to Costco. I did a little groundwork for him by calling a couple grocery stores and finding out what their cookie dough prices were.

Of course, Costco had the best deal.

72 Otis Spunkmeyer cookies for $11.69!

That's 16 cents per cookie and we're gonna sell them for a dollar each.

Sweet! Nice profit margin.

Good thing Tyler's stinkin' cute! Don't try that if your kids are ugly.

Just kidding! LAUGH.

"So, Ty, I want to talk to you about another thing that's important in starting a business." I start in on lesson number two.

"Okay." He says, all ears.

"It's okay to borrow money from people called 'investors' in order to start your business." I say.

"Why?" he asks.

"Well, do you have any money?" I ask.

"No." he says.

"Well, investors do have money, and they like to help people start businesses, but they usually like to see a business plan, and they want to know a specific timeline by which they'll get their money back, after you borrow it. Often times they'd like to get a little more money back from you than they gave you, too. It's called their return on investment."

"Why?"

"Well, if you had money and you lent it to me to use, would you like me to pay it back?" I ask.

"Yes."

"And if I paid you back a little more than you lent to me, just to show you my gratitude for letting me borrow your money, would you like that?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Okay, since you don't have any money to start your business, but your cookie dough is going to cost $11.69, mom and dad are going to be your investors. We'll loan you the money to start your business, and then as soon as you make some money, you can set aside the first $11.69 to pay us back, okay?"

"Wait..." he says, but I know what's on his mind.

"Then you get to KEEP ALL the rest of the money that you make, and you can save it to buy your bike." I head him off before the upset can arise from his confusion.
I keep going, "So you know why I'm proud of you and willing to lend you the money to start your business?" I ask.

"Why?"

"Because you spent time this morning making a great business plan, a big why, and some very specific and measurable goals! Most of the realtors in Daddy's office haven't even done that." I didn't mean to criticize realtors. Moreover I just wanted Ty to know that he's being very WISE in his business planning....far beyond his years...

"Wait, why don't THEY make goals and business plans like I do?" he asks, and I love how much he's owning this process.

"Well, some do, but some either don't know how, or they just forget to plan their work and work their plan. Daddy teaches them to be purposeful about their business, but some people just aren't coachable, and they like to fly by the seat of their pants. They end up reacting to what life throws at them a lot, instead of creating a life they really want." I realize I'm talking over his head, so I bring it back to him,"You are very coachable, though, Ty. You listen well. You follow models. You trust mom, your business coach, to teach you what works. I'm proud of you!"

"Thanks." he says.

I took a couple pictures of him at Costco with my Iphone.

One was of him holding the huge red box of Otis Spunkmeyer Cookies over his head with both hands, like a trophy.

The next was of him paying the cashier with a $20 bill, his first business loan, from mom and dad, his savy investors. He has a cheesy grin on as he reaches way above his head to lift the money high enough to get it to the cashier. He's on his tiptoes. It's AWESOME!

On the way home in the car, we talk about the importance of putting that cookie receipt in a safe place, so he can track his expenses and be sure to repay the initial investment. We decide that on the fridge with a magnet would be great for now.

At home, the lessons switch gears slightly, from business plans and goal setting to hand washing practices and sanitary baking rules.

72 cookies later, we were ready to go door to door.

"Ty, before we go, I want you to head upstairs and put on your suite with the tie and vest." I say.

"Okay!" he says enthusiastically. He loves that outfit, "but why?" he asks.

"Well, it's important when you're starting a business to make a VERY good first impression. You want to look clean, professional, and you want to smile and speak clearly...It's all part of having people LIKE you. If people like you, they'll often want to contribute to you, or buy something from you." I can tell my answer was a little lengthy for him because as soon as I stopped talking, he said, "Okay!" and bolted up the stairs to change clothes.

"I want to change my clothes too!" says my 3 1/2 year old, Maija, who at this point has returned from her date with dad and has been thoroughly caught up to speed on everything that Ty's learned today, by Ty's excited jabbering.

"Okay, Babe, why don't you go put your princess dress on." I suggest.

I definitely didn't have to tell her twice. She, like all little girls, looks for ANY reason to wear her prettiest princess dress. Of course, the pink plastic heels and silver crown with pink jewels completed the ensemble.

If any of you reading this have inhibitions about letting your child go door to door in this manner, don't. People absolutely LOVE to contribute to a mini-entrepeneur starting his first business.

The first day out, Ty knocked on 12 doors.

8 people answered, and he got 7 enthusiastic 'yeses'.

The other one was a kid answering who's mom said no, and the kid was really bummed about it, but it didn't phase Ty at all. He just thanked him, went to the next door, and before he rung the bell he turned, looked at us standing a few feet behind him, and whispered enthusiastically, "Watch THIS!"

Dad and I were recording him with our video camera and we were cracking up!

Eventually the wind and rain stopped us from going to more doors.

Just so you know, Ty was willing to get an umbrella and press on, which we did, for a while.

But it was March 28th in Spokane, Washington and a big wind storm came too, so when it blew our umbrella inside out and started getting our business plan & picture of the bike wet, THAT's when Ty said it was okay to call it a day.

TALK ABOUT UNSTOPPABLE though! Kids are ALL heart!

When we got inside I said, "Okay Ty, let's have a business meeting."

"Wait, why?" he asks.

"We want to sit at the table, count up the money you've made, and see if you've made enough to pay back your investors, and make a profit in your first business day." I explain.

I'm not sure that all made sense, but counting the money sounded like a blast, so he was all in!

Lesson #3 (or 100 by now, I'm not sure which...big learning day): Identifying and counting money.

We'd never taught him before this day what a penny, nickel, dime, quarter, one dollar, five dollar, ten dollar, twenty dollar bill or a check was, so he and Maija both got a HUGE and VERY FUN crash course in money!

I'm sure you can imagine what that all looked like, so long story shorter....in his first hour of selling cookies door to door, he sold to seven customers and made $25!
You do the math.

Now, just so you know, I haven't done the allowance thing, or in any way given my kids money in the past, so this is Tyler's VERY FIRST experience of money and in his mind, he's RICH!

I took many, many pictures of him in his business suite with his first days profits, a large wad of cash, fanned out in front of him.

I blew them up to 8 1/2 by 11 and framed them and have now created the mental image for my son of him being wealthy and abundant.

He will look at that picture all the time growing up.

He will tell others the story of how he started his first cookie selling business at the age of five, and others will be mesmerized, all the time!

He was ECSTATIC!

He couldn't wait to get back out there and sell more.

The weather report for the next day was crummy, so Dad invited him to come to his real estate office to sell the rest of his cookies. By the way, Dad is the ceo of the company, so it was okay. If your hubby isn't the ceo, you should probably check with somebody before you do this type of thing.

Monday morning, we show up at Chris's real estate office and within an hour were sold out.

He made $50, and had $27 in pre-orders for the next day!

So we used some of those profits, went to Costco and bought more cookies.

Tuesday, day three of Ty's Cookie Business, we got up at 7:30 in the morning and baked cookies for 2 1/2 hours. We took them to Chris's office and Tyler sold all 75 cookies in 45 minutes and made another $85...obviously people we know were generously contributing to our young entrepeneur!

Check it out...

Three Days.

Total profit after repaying investors...$145.41.

Tyler set and massively exceeded his first business goal in 3 days!

He was ecstatic, but GUESS WHY!.....BECAUSE NOW HE COULD BUY A BIKE FOR MAIJA TOO!

Yes, I KNOW, he is HANDS DOWN the best brother to ever walk the face of the earth, I kNOW!

I'm exploding with pride!

Think about this though...

Shad Helmstetter, in his book, "What to say when you talk to yourself", paints a vivid picture of the importance of a parents words in a young child's life. He describes it as if every time a parent speaks, good or bad, to their child, it's as if those words are typed on a computer screen that is located right on the childs chest, and they become the child's programming for life...for how to see the world....for how to see themselves....

Imagine if your VERY FIRST experience of money in life was THAT:

~You are a very smart business person....

~You are capable of starting your own business and making enough money to buy
anything you want....

~Everyone you meet says yes to you.....

~People LOVE giving you money....

~You make people happy, just by showing up on their doorstep....

~You know how to plan your work and work your plan...

~You've experienced the benefit of beginning with the end in mind...

~Goal setting is easy for you...

~You can easily and quickly achieve and exceed any goal you set...

~You're unstoppable and you can create any life you want....

Can you even IMAGINE if THAT was your first experience in life of money and yourself?
Guess what?!

--------------------------THAT IS WHAT MY KID KNOWS ABOUT HIMSELF NOW!!!!!-----------

Guess what else?!

YOU CAN CREATE THAT TOO!!!

Let's raise THAT generation of kids, okay Moms?

Who's with me?
　
　

Love Farts

It's 4 in the morning.

I just got done writing a story and I sneak quietly into bed where my husband is sound asleep.

As I settle into our new blue 400 thread count sheets and chocolate brown duvet, I release an SBD (Silent But Deadly fart).

Did I mention, yet, that I love farts?

I grew up with two older brothers and went to camp a lot where we'd light our farts on fire and laugh hysterically, just for kicks.

Farts became a very strange expression of love for me.

When we were in college, I told Chris that I'd know he loved me when he was comfortable enough to fart in front of me.

I know, it's a unique love language, but it works for me.
To me, it means I accept somebody just as they are and can laugh at their humanity.

One night in college, when we'd been together for a while, he took me outside, underneath the stars, where he'd laid down a blanket and had soft music playing.

After star gazing and dreaming for a while he says to me, "I have something important I wanna tell you."

I'm thinking, 'This is it! The L word.'

He leans over to me and silence engulfs us as I wait to hear what he'll say.

Then, "HONNNK!!" goes his butt!
I'm talking HUGE fart!

I was ecstatic!

We laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!
It was a beautiful moment.
I knew then, we'd be together forever!



So as I settle into bed beside my man, I slip one off into the new covers and trap it in the dutch oven.

Grinning from ear to ear, I think of my husbands reaction later in the morning when he rolls close to me, unknowingly releases the beast, and gets a nose-full so potent that it jars him from a sound sleep.

I quietly giggle to myself in the dark as I picture his future rude awakening.

You'd think at this point that I'd sneak a toe diagonally out of the covers at the bottom of the bed to lessen the blow, but no, I just lay there and giggle picturing his reaction.



I think farts are a gift from God.

Very intelligent design actually.

They always make people laugh.

Can't you just picture God in the design room with a bunch of angels brainstorming it out.

"Okay," God describes the plan,"the food will go in this hole, nourish the body and the waste will come out this hole."

"What color will it be?" some angel asks.

"Yellow?" one suggests.

"Orange?" another throws out.

"No, let's make it brown, so it matches the ground," God decides.

"Ooooh, good idea," they all chime in.

"What about noise? Should there be a noise involved?" one asks.

"Oh definitely! How else will they know poops on it's way?" God says.

"Should it sound like an animal?" one says.

"Oooooh! How 'bout an elephant?" they get excited.

"No? Too scary?...ummm...maybe a duck! Those aren't scary!" another adds.

"Or maybe a goose! They could honk like a trumpet!"

"What about quiet ones like a snake?"
The angels are so excited, they're all talking over one another.

"All good ideas," God says to the angels.
"let's try them all!"

I can just picture it.
That MUST have been a fun brainstorming session.....




Usually I eat well.
Fruits.
Veggies.
Protein.
Can't have wheat.
So if I eat anything sugary, like spaghetti sauce...watch out, or as my kids like to say, "fire in the hole!"
I had some spaghetti sauce tonight.
S.B.D city.

Funny thing is, as I continue enjoying my sneak attack on my husband, he rolls over, sound asleep, and HONKS a loud one right at me!!!

Loud and proud and still sound asleep!!

Oop two, THREE!!!

That's what I get for trying to ambush him.

I giggle.

Angels rejoice!

"I love you too, Babe." I whisper as I pin the covers down tight.

Share!

"Ty do you want to tell Dad what happened at the park today, or should I?" I ask.

"I want you to," he says.

Note to parents: Your kids LOVE to hear you talk about them!
Especially recounting the tales from the day of how great they are and what they did well.
It builds them up.
They feel acknowledged.
They feel like they're listening in on 'mom and dad conversation', so they feel super special.

Perscription: Practice daily.

Also, this is the only experience of their child that the working parent gets...somebody else's story of the first hand account...so bless dad's socks off and tell him all of the good stuff...make it juicy and fun....it makes him proud and gives him a chance to recognize and praise the kids for their accomplishments throughout the day.

I dive into the story...

So we're at the park. Ty SEEMS to be enjoying himself as he hangs onto the tire swing for dear life, at first....

The older boy with red, spikey hair is riding with Ty and is spinning the tire swing in a tight circle SO fast that I feel sick just watching them spin.

I don't want to hover and ruin the boy adventure, so I climb on the playground for a minute with Maija.

Finally, my mom-ness kicks in and I realize that I need to make a decision for Ty that he can't make for himself, because he doesn't have all of the facts about tire swings.

He's never been on one when somebody has pushed that fast, tight circle before, so he doesn't know how sick he'll feel when he gets off.

"Ty, we're going to head over towards the pool now and I need you to come with us."
Notice how I saved face for him in the moment rather than saying, 'honey, I'm scared and I need you to get off that death machine.'

As the red haired older boy stops the tire swing, it's obvious that the lesson is already sinking in without me having to say anything.
Ty can hardly stand up, he's so dizzy.
He wobbles around as he gets his flip flops on. I catch his arm and slowly walk him away.

When we get out of earshot of the park I ask, "how's your tummy?"
"I feel sick," was all he could say.

So as I'm telling the story to Dad, I add, "Ty learned that it's okay to ask the big kid to stop, so he can get off. He also learned what it feels like to stay on too long when a tire swing is spinning that fast."

Tyler interjects enthusiastically, "why didn't the big kid ask me if I was okay or if it was too fast?"

Dad shoots it straight, "Well, he was being selfish and in his own little world. He wasn't thinking about you and your needs."

At first I thought Dad might be blowing off steam from his work day, but then the lesson from Dad continued and was brilliant.

"That's what I love about you, Ty, you're a leader. Leaders pay attention to what's going on around them. They think about other people and their needs."

"Yeah, if I were that big kid, I would've asked the smaller kid if he liked swinging that fast or not."

"That's great, Ty." Dad praised and then he continued, "Leaders ask questions of people around them. Then they use the feedback to make decisions that work for everybody. You're great at asking questions, Ty. What would you do if you asked another kid if they liked swinging that fast and they said, 'no'?"

I can always count on Dad to take the lesson to another level with a great question.

Ty thinks for a moment and then responds, "I'd ask him if he wanted to do 'tick tock' or 'around the world' so I didn't make the other kid feel sick."

"That's a great idea, Buddy." Dad says, "I'm so proud of you! You ask such good questions and you listen and care for the people around you really well. You're such a great leader."


Okay, I know that there are some of you out there that may object when you hear this story and be thinking, "but I'm not a leader...or my kids not really a leader."

I say, "Yes. YOU ARE!"

You have little people watching your every move to discover how life goes, who to be in the world and down to the detail, they will mirror what you teach them.

Then you may say, "yeah, but, we have enough leaders in the world..."

To which I say, "CLEARLY WE DON'T!!!!!"

Please do me a favor and read this next part out loud.

Did you know that in America, one-third of our kids are obese or overweight.

Three in five adults are obese or overweight.

Because of the obesity epidemic, we now run the risk that kids, for the first time, will have shorter
lifespans than their parents.

This is a public health disaster, and we have to act.

Guess what else...

Every year 15 million children die of hunger.

Read it out loud!

1 in 3 in America are disgustingly obese. While 15 million children DIE a year of hunger.

Don't you think it would help to teach our kids to be leaders that THINK about the effects of their actions on others?

Couldn't we use an example of how to SHARE so that no one has to DIE?

I usually don't think of the squabbles that kids have over sharing as a big deal, but when you put a global perspective on it...IT's A BIG FREAKIN' DEAL!!!

SHARE! Is that so hard?

You're FAT, stop eating so much.

You're dying of starvation. Have some of ours.

Can't we just all get along!

Naked Laugh

It's bed time.

Tyler's brushed teeth, gone potty, cleaned up the counter, jammies on, picked a book and is waiting patiently for Maija and story time.

The kid loves structure.
The more clearly defined the expectations, the better.

If he knows what you want him to do, he'll exceed the expectations every time...we call it "extra credit" just for fun.

Maija, is wired a little differently at the moment.
We lovingly call it shiny object syndrome sometimes.
She can be easily distracted from the task at hand.

An example... She starts putting tooth paste on her tooth brush and then sees an earring in the bathroom drawer and starts searching for it's lost mate. Eventually she finds it, and then meanders around looking for jammies to match...
Know anybody like that?

When she was little it drove me nuts.

As she's grown older, I'm learning to accept how she's wired and be responsible for making our life work well without putting pressure on her to hurry up.

I build in more time for tasks... Start her earlier than Ty on a task that I need them to finish at the same time. Playfully, spur her on...Sometimes spanish works. "Ondale'! Ondale'!", but sometimes that adds pressure and she melts...depends on her energy level.

On this particular night, I was prompting her verbally with the next task to keep it on the forefront of her mind.
"Excellent teeth brushing! Now, jammie time."

She adds drama to it, "no," she wines, "I don't want to change my clothes in front of Ty."

"What? Why don't you want to change in front of your brother?"

"Because he laughs at me and tells me I'm cute whenever he sees me naked."

"Okay, Ty, close your eyes. Maija, jammies." I direct.

Then, "Ty, is that true?" I ask under my breath so as not to distract shiny object girl, "do you laugh at Maija when you see her naked?"

"Yes," he says, "cause she's so cute!", he says innocently.

"Out of love?" I clarify, "not to be mean?"

"Yes, out of love," he assures.

Okay, I've got the info I need. I dive in to "clean up mode".

"Maija, I'm sorry it's made you sad in the past when Ty's laughed while you were changing. He didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He was loving and appreciating how cute you are," I explain.

"I don't like being cute, I like being called pretty." she objects.

"They are the same thing!" Ty defends.

"Sorry Mai, he was loving and appreciating how pretty you are and he meant to make you feel good not bad. I'm sorry it didn't feel good."

At that, Maija seemed to have completely moved on and forgotten that she was upset at all, but remembered suddenly that she needed to pick a book for Dad to read before bed, so off she goes to the toy room to get one.

I was satisfied. It was complete for me.

Good thing parenting is a team sport.

Tag team "in"...Dad.

Peace was clearly established for Maija, but Chris comes close and looks in Tyler's eyes and adds in all seriousness, "Ty, sometimes you need to be responsible for the delivery. HOW you say something is important and impacts people. Especially when we're talking about girls and their body's. If you see a woman, like your future wife, and she's naked, you can tell her how beautiful she is, but you probably shouldn't laugh, okay?"

"Okay, why?"

"Well, because it might hurt her feelings, like it did with Maija, and it's important to be sensitive during times like that when they're feeling vulnerable."

"Okay", Ty agrees.

I'm sitting next to him on the bed throughout that whole last conversation with Dad, but I had to turn my head away, because for some reason, it just made me giggle.

I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I just did that silent-parent-laugh that we do when we know we're supposed to be teaching instead of laughing, but it's just so darn funny that it is our job to have THESE conversations with them.

If WE don't teach them, who will?

Seriously though, how many of you know some brilliant guy out there in the world that's great at his tasks, but has the social awareness of a rock?

CPA's...engineers...computer programmers... (sorry to single you out, but you know who you are...)

How many times have you wished that his parents would have taught him JUST A LITTLE about how to interact appropriately in sensitive situations?

Well.... THERE.... we've done our part for the day.

We've taught our mini geek, how to NOT laugh at the naked woman in front of him, but instead to comment on her beauty....

our work here is done...

for this moment....

someday, his future wife will thank us.

Tub Time

I'm in the shower.
I like hot, long showers.
I like to let my mind wander and I often find myself having conversations in my head with people I should talk to.

Sometimes I make lists of things I need to do, plan my day, that sort of thing. Needless to say, I don't like being interupted in the shower.
I don't know many people that do.

So when I'm in the shower and I'm interupted by Tyler's voice
saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
I was pissed.

I turned off the water, got out, and started toweling off.

As I do, I ask my five year old son, "What's going on?"

"I got water in Maija's mouth and she won't forgive me," he says.

Arrrgh!

My 3 1/2 year old daughter is whimpering in the opposite corner of the huge soaker tub. Clearly she's okay, she's just milkin' it now.

"Maija, why won't you talk to Tyler?" I ask, more annoyed than curious.

She clams up a lot and it's really frustrating.
Total karma, I used to do that to my mom all the time when I was little.

Okay, I take a deep breath.

One of the things I'm learning in life is that sometimes I hurt people or offend them.
It's my responsibility to get into their world and see what kind of upset I've caused and take responsibility for that, even if I didn't mean to hurt them or it was an accident.

So I put my 'amazing mom hat' on and say, "Tyler, it may occur like badgering to Maija that you're saying 'I'm sorry' without checking out what type of an impact you had on her and taking responsibility for it. Let's ask her how it made her feel when you splashed her and got water in her mouth, Okay?"

"Okay."

"Maija," I say, "how did it make you feel when Ty got water in your mouth?"

She doesn't talk. I wait. She doesn't talk.

"We're you sad or scared?" I ask.

She shakes her head yes with her lips turned down in a full rainbow shaped pout.

"Okay, thanks, " I say. "So, Ty, maybe you could say, "Maija, I'm sorry that I splashed water in your mouth and made you feel sad and scared." Then I turn to Maija and ask,"Would that make you feel better if he said it like that?"

"No!" she blurts out, "He touched my shoulder and got water in my mouth and I was scared and angry, and he needs to say 'I won't do that again' and THAT would make me feel better."

"Okay," I say to Ty, "can you do that?"

He says, "No..."

Frustrated, I say, "Look Ty," she's telling you the impact that your actions had on her, and what she needs for you to say in order to feel complete about it and forgive you. I'd like you to apologize now in a way that makes a difference for her and gets it cleaned up."

"I'm sorry I pushed you and got water in your mouth. I didn't mean to make you scared and angry and I won't do it again," he says.

"I forgive you," she says and goes to hug him...he pulls away.

"Ty, what's going on?" I ask, "I thought we got to the peace place."

"I'm mad at her for not talking to me when I was trying to apologize." he says.

Immediately I'm reminded of earlier in the day when she was upset about something and I spent far too much time attempting to drag out of her what the problem was, to no avail. So, feeling validated by his complaint I jump on the bandwagon and make her wrong for it too!

"Well Maija," I say, "you need to understand that when we are trying to communicate with you and you don't talk to us, it's EXTREMELY frustrating. It makes us very sad and then we get angry at you. Can you take responsibility for that and apologize to Ty and Mom for not talking to us?"

She sits quietly for a moment....probably wondering how I suddenly deserved an apology too.

That ticks me off.

She's quiet for a moment too long, so I let her have it. "Maija remember earlier today when you wouldn't tell me what you were upset about, but you were throwing babies off your bed after your nap?"

"I didn't take a nap!" She shouted.

"Oh, well THAT explains why you were acting like you were out of energy, but it's not okay NOT to talk to mom! It's really annoying when I ask you questions and you don't talk to me at all. It makes me feel sad, confused and VERY frustrated... AND IT's RUDE!"

Cha ching!

A look of understanding and remorse sets in on her little face.

She doesn't like being called rude.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you and Ty," says my little, big girl, "Next time you ask me something, I'll talk to you."

"I forgive you." I say, "Thank you!"

A huge smile spreads across her lips.

Everybody was happy and calm.

Hugs all around.

We created the "peace place."