Roles

One of my roles as a parent, is to give up my 'role' as a parent....in more than one way.

First, I visualize my kids future......

I ask myself questions....

Who will they be in the world?

What will they do?

How will they interact with others, the community, their spouse, each other, me?

What qualities, traits, and skills will be the most important for them to be masterful at?

(If you have never thought towards the future 20-25 years like this, start now...your family will thank you for it.)

Once I answered these questions, I was clear on my "role" as a parent.

I could see traits, experiences, lessons that I wanted my kids to have (with me) NOW, so they'd be experts in those areas that are important later, without me.

So one of my "roles" is to intentionally train them towards autonomy and self mastery.

Often I do that simply by 'getting out of the way' and letting their brilliance and greatness show up in the space that's created.

A wise friend once told me..."never do anything for them that they can do for themselves".

It creates a very big and healthy self image in them....it shows them their greatness.

They then know themselves as powerful and capable.

So one role is to train and get outta the way.

The other is far more important.

It's to give up my "role" and the training, task oriented, business-like things that I do with and for my children, and it is to simply BE PRESENT.

Get into this very moment.
Be HERE.
NO WHERE ELSE.
Don't worry about the future.
Don't regret the past.
Stop the chatterbox in my brain for a moment and just BE in this present time and space.
Nothing's wrong.
Nothing needs to be done.
Everything is perfect.
Peace lives here.
Love lives here.
Connecting with my kids, lives here.

I've discovered a fantastic way to uncloak from my "role" as mom and become the totally present, completely engaged, expression of love that my children adore.

It's called 'make believe'.

I haven't done that in SO long that it completely tricks the chatterbox of noise in my brain...that little never-ending voice is caught off guard...it's not sure what to do with make believe, so it just shuts off.

My daughter and I play house.

In our game, we're best friends.

We both have two baby dolls that get new names and new outfits each time we play.


We play for HOURS.

We move from room to room in our house, doing what we would normally do in a day, yet adding vibrance and magic to it by pretending.

The kitchen is our 'restaurant' where we line up all our babies and feed them from colorful bowls and cups. While we eat lunch, we talk to our babies about healthy food choices and taking good care of our bodies.

Our master bath is our 'nail salon'.

Her closet is the 'store' where we go shopping for our baby's clothes.

The game changes.

Sometimes we practice letters and numbers by playing school and 'teaching our babies'.

Sometimes we just color together and the babies watch.

What's neat, is that I talk to her, in the world of make believe, like I talk to my best adult friends.

I ask her questions about how it's going getting her babies to sleep through the night, and her answers are brilliant.

We share back and forth in a conversation that is enriching, and stimulating her social skills in a way that just isn't AVAILABLE to us when I'm in "mom" role and she's in daughter role.

The most important thing, though, is that we are connected!

We are on equal playing ground.

There is no role or title (or distraction that goes with a role or title) to keep us apart.

We are totally present and completely in LOVE.

It's altered our whole world!

When it's time for the game to be over, her love tank is FULL...overflowing actually.....she's cuddly and huggy and loving in such a different way.

It's bliss.

THAT is the real work of BEING a mom.

Knowing at the end of a day that my child RECEIVED from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, the message that SHE IS LOVED. SHE IS KNOWN. SHE IS WORTHY.

Peace Place.

Bonus question: Where else do I interact with people out of a "role" rather than just being present in a moment with them and allowing love to emerge?

Extra credit challenge: Today...Now...wherever you are...BE there.